Uncomfortably Honest

August 14, 2023October 25, 2023

Happy Birthday to Me!

I woke up to see 35!! As early as 12 years old, I didn’t think I’d be around to see this age. Time & Christ heal & each year I’ve learned to hold on to life a little tighter. So few things are what I dreamed they’d be at 35. I’m not anywhere near the financially stable, settled in a career, independent living, wife & mother I thought & prayed I’d be by now. So, there’s a grief there that I allow myself to feel & acknowledge as needed. Before I went to bed last night, I gave myself that space (as I often do!).

HOWEVER COMMA… I take tremendous joy in the life that I authentically live. For me, there’s freedom in not pretending. The older I get, the easier it gets to stay in MY lane & make the choices that make ME happy & content. Don’t you hate when you do or say things that leave you cracking behind that fake smile? Even worse, that ick you have towards yourself when you broke a personal promise to self & didn’t follow your first mind? Yea, less & less of that, please!

Anyway, at 35 years old, I am so rich in friendship, I have the blessing of supportive parents & some extended family, & I’ve been blessed with a sense of humor that feeds me just as much as it does those who get it. I’m convinced that life is for the LIVING! I’m not waiting on things to be checked off a list before I choose to live & have my version of adventure. I’m gonna wear the outfit, take the trip, play with fire (), tell people I love them, fail & try again, fight for hope, cling to optimism, and LAUGH!

God of heaven & earth, creator of the universe & me, the lover of friends & enemies… to my constant lifter, THANK YOU! Thank you for how you’ve made me. I know you’re preparing me & vindication will come. I’ll see your goodness in the land of the living! Thanks for 35!

February 11, 2021February 11, 2021

A Woman and Her Body

Whew chiii…ain’t it always something? From Cardi & Megan’s WAP to Chloe Bailey sageing in her pannies – yes, pannies – it’s always something to fuss about in regards to women, their bodies, & sexuality. I painfully watched Wendy Williams’ documentary and had to pause while I sobbed as she spoke about how her parents handled her weight as a kid and how she was teased by other children.

My earliest memories of body consciousness kick in around the age of four or five years old. Home & family were way worse than playground teasing. My dad would say, “An ounce across the lips is a pound on the hips.” Or he’d encourage me to be smart & study because I wasn’t pretty enough for my looks to take me far. Shopping with my mom was a PAIN! First of all, horrible taste. Second, the dressing room conversations of needing to lose weight, pulling skirts to my armpits so they’d fit, and dear God the horrible style options. You don’t know pain unless you’ve experienced Hamrick’s in the 90s shopping for an Easter dress. I’m older now, & I know they were doing their best. However, body positivity and confidence are pieces that I’ve been collecting bit by bit my entire life.

It sucks seeing the comment sections of social media where people feel obligated to comment on a woman’s size, level of modesty, and expression. We’re all guilty of criticizing & insulting others without having much reason but as I grow in mindfulness, I want to always consider the nuances of just existing in a God-given body. Everyone has a struggle or insecurity that pains them in some way. I’d hate for my comments to be the reason someone else feels as though they aren’t lovable or valuable. We can be so flippant and careless with our unsolicited commentary. It’s all just so fruitless.

Purity culture, misogyny, and the false ideals of modesty are all bs to me at this point. Skirts to ankles and only dancing the Twist or Bankhead Bounce do not make a woman modest or ladylike. My final, truncated thoughts are these:

Don’t speak on what someone else has done just because you can’t or won’t do the same.
Men, please stop telling women how to be & exist.
Women, give your sisters room to flourish how they see fit. We can celebrate Michelle Obama, Lizzo, the missionaries, & Young M.A all the same!
Mothers, let your daughters hear you affirm them and other women. Fathers, affirm your daughters in EVERY way. Don’t make them choose between beauty or brains; they can thrive in both.
Ladies, do whatever you feel you need to do to love you! If you’re somewhere in the middle of body goals, enjoy the journey.

Rolls, stretch marks, body acne…A woman fighting insecurity & enjoying her body as is!

January 30, 2021February 11, 2021

My Reading List

Here are the books, blogs, and other random reads that I enjoy.

Urban Fiction & Romance:

All things Sister Souljah! – The Midnight trilogy is the hood’s version of the Twilight saga. In March 2021, Souljah will be releasing Life After Death where she’ll be reviving my favorite character of hers, Winter. Sista Souljah has a beautiful way of weaving ghetto tales, history & current events, art, & culture into the most exciting reads with remarkable character arcs. *chef’s kiss!*
The cutesy works of Jasmine Guillory – So far Jasmine has released a five-book romance series that has the bubbly goodness of traditional romance novels with a fresh take one the subtleties of interracial dating, career woes, and unlikely pairs. If you enjoy light reads & happy endings, her work won’t disappoint!

Personal Growth & Finance:

Darryl Boyles – Boyles has written a very practical, reader friendly book on financial wellness. One Paycheck at a Time is a short book with a lot of power. I’ve been able to pay down debts using his advice and look forward to knocking down more. Get a copy!

Biblical & Christian Theology:

Miscellaneous Finds:

January 30, 2021January 30, 2021

Welcome Back!

Hi! There’s a huge gap in the timeline of updating this blog so, let’s catch up a bit.

2020 gave us a pandemic, turbo racism, political mayhem, shattering deaths, & deep dives for silver linings & hope. For me, 2020 ended in a very meh way & 2021 began in much the same. I now find myself in a place of reckoning with who & what I am. Some stuff I hate, a lot of things I love. So, how am I holding up? Let’s get into it.

To put things in an oversimplified way, I’m not ok; but I know I will be. I quit a dead end job back in November & haven’t found a new gig as of yet, but something will turn up soon. Not working & dodging these COVID streets has left me a lot of time to just deal & reckon. My resolve is to be to myself what I’ve been to others.

From politics to friendships & family, a lot happens around me that I have zero control over. It’s exhausting for an empath & helper like myself. Right now the answer for me is to just unplug and quiet myself. Some days I feel like fragile glass or like I’m screaming into a cup because so much is swirling in my heart and mind. My bandwidth for things outside of my responsibility for self is very, very low. It’s weird for me but it’s a necessary adjustment for now.

If you know me personally, be patient with me. Hope with me. I don’t want to get back to normal. I want to get to better & it may take a while. As I’m mending & acquainting, I do want to invest in some creative things that I’ve ignored & writing is one of them. Here’s to more uncomfortable honesty in 2021!

Oh, here’s a treat! Jac Ross is singing my life with his words in his cover of The Animals’ “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” and the gorgeously vulnerable “Saved”…here ya’ll go!

December 18, 2019June 3, 2020

YouTube Wonderland

I am a self-proclaimed YouTube junkie and have been for years! My interest are pretty random and borderline odd, but this is my safe space, lol. Just click the channel names & check out some of my favorite channels:

The Families:

Beleaf in Fatherhood – On this channel, Glen “Beleaf” Henry chronicles his journey through Black fatherhood. He, along with his hilariously precious wife, Yvette, highlight the milestones of his four children aka The Chocolate Babies. A place for sweet & wholesome YouTubing.
GabeBabeTV – A precious interracial vlogging couple. I’m so invested in this family, lol. For veteran viewers, we’ve watched them wed, move, have children, grieve, get fit, and celebrate. The kids are adorable, the parents (Gabe and Chad aka Babe) are endearing and it’s just easy, feel-good viewing.
The LaVignes – Whew… honey, the growth! So, Jerry LaVigne is a long time YouTube vlogger who’s gone from musing through early adulthood highs and lows to now being a husband and father. Now he and his wife, Dee, chronicle their day-to-day lives as parents and entreprenuers. The LaVignes have also branched off into a number of other channels but start here.

Entertainment:

KevOnStage – Listen! I Stan for all things related to Kevin & Melissa Fredericks. Kevin is a content creating geneous and comedian. Melissa is the plug for all things mental and relational health. Together they’ve established these great gems on the following channels:
- KevOnStage Studios
- Mrskevonstage
NPR Music – This is usually how I make it through my work day. I love the diversity and I’m always being introduced to new artists.
Dormtainment – The fellas of DormtainmentTV have been a source of cackles since my college days. I love their humor & creativity.
Breakfast Club – Well, because… the ghetto! LOL, seriously we all know the mixed bag of tea and awareness that they give.

The Odd, Strange, and Gross

The Toe Bro – If you’re a Dr. Pimple Popper fan then this channel should still be right up your ally. The Toe Bro is a Canadian foot specialist an d handles all things terrible when it comes to feet. It’s oddly soothing and he’s so kind and gentle with his patience. I’m sucker for a YT glow up and he went from popular vlogger to having his own show on A&E.
The Meticulous Manicurest – In line with the Toe Bro, sis over at Meticulous Manicurest takes folks’ feet from eww to wow. Idk what’s so soothing about it but check her out.
Urban Extractions – Ms. Jada Kennedy gets all up in her waxing clients’ nether regions & underarms and does ingrown hair extractions – gross and satisfying.

ASMR – the oddness that I never knew I needed

ASMR Psychetruth – I camp out at the hairbrushing videos. Why is white women brushing hair and whispering soooo lulling and relaxing?! Don’t know but keep brushing, Karen!
Beardbrand – I had no clue what ASMR was until I burrowed to the belly of YouTube hair cut videos. Very calming, good tutorials if you care, and great cuts.
Chiropractors – Again, this is my safe space but I really like the chiro vids. Here are my fav channels:
- Dr. Joseph Cipriano
- Dr. Rahim Gonstead
- Dr. Brent Binder

November 6, 2019December 18, 2019

Lessons on Grief

I remember when my maternal grandmother (my best friend!) died the summer before ninth grade. Talk about being heartbroken! All the adults seemed to be keeping secrets & walking on invisible, fragile glass floors. So, I modeled them. I kept quiet, swallowed the idea of the end of a thing, & just moved on. My dad allowed me to drop two tears at the funeral & then said something along the lines of, “Aww come on; stop that. You don’t have to cry.” Bless his heart.

Anyway, that was my lesson on grief. Grief gets in the way of progress. Grief disrupts other people’s normal. Grief is inconvenient. The world does not stop for grief. So, when did I cry for my grandmother? When did I finally ask God why? It wasn’t until five years later. I was a freshman in college, alone in my dorm on a Saturday afternoon. I glanced at a picture of her that’d I’d placed on my tan, standard-college-furniture desk. I looked at it all the time but this time, I grieved! I sobbed, I laughed, I asked her if I was doing things right & if she was proud. I wept myself into a nap. Five years later and it was still so fresh.

Fast forward…

Now, I pride myself in my ability to label my feelings and have a grip on my emotions, but grief is one emotion that I dodge. Thankfully, I haven’t had to grieve the loss of a dear loved one in years but I have delayed grieving over other losses and endings. Every season and life change brings a dose of sadness. I know that change is good, but when you’re an empath and deep lover of people, you’re just one walking Boyz II Men track… “It’s so haaaaarrrrrd to say goodbyyyye to yesterdaay…”

It’s difficult for me to let go of good people when life takes us into different directions. It’s easy to let go when there’s beef or disagreements. But it’s so hard for me when good things and good connections come to an end. The same may be true for some of you reading this. I just want to encourage those of us who have a hard time letting go that it’s ok.

I’m learning a hard lesson in not forcing things to remain the same. I’m also working on accepting changes in relationships instead of blaming myself. There’s this odd guilt that I carry for not being able to keep up with good people that I’ve met over the past few years; I wonder if they fault me for distance. I’m starting to embrace my own limited capacity to manage friendships and I’m growing in my understanding that I don’t have to be everyone’s go-to person. So, friends, let’s go easy on ourselves and one another as we navigate life changes and those circumstances affecting our connections. Let’s give ourselves room to evolve and adjust…and to be sad about time bringing about change.

The uncomfortable part is the awkward transitions and distance. The honest part is that there’s a grief attached to good and bad changes. The beautiful resolve is that it won’t be awkward and sad for long, and the relationships that are meant to last will do just that.

July 19, 2019July 19, 2019

Growing Up is so Hard

Growin’ up is so hard
Gotta do it, gotta start
Growin’ up sometimes hurts
Gotta do it, gotta get to work

In August 2018, I turned 30. T-H-I-R-T-Y! I had a beautiful weekend with amazing friends who literally came together from multiple states and different countries to pull off a day of surprises. These gems even organized a photo shoot! I was so excited and thrilled to see love poured out in a special way. Friends, if you’re reading this, you’re stuck with me!

Fast forward to a week or so into being 30…heeellooooo depression! Up until my 30th birthday, aging was never a big deal for me. I’ve always viewed aging as a badge of honor. Every birthday is like a nod from God saying, “this human is still needed on the planet. I have to keep them around.” So, I always welcome the reset that comes with the marking of another year of life. However, 30 was NOT that!

2018 was a hell of a year and after my birthday I just knew that I did not have my shit together. What I thought I had a little bit of a handle on had all but slipped completely away. I was flat broke, severely out of shape, mentally and emotionally fragile, and still outwardly just laughing things away. On top of all that, I was going on month eight of unemployment. I was a mess!

The thing about growing up is it’s hard! Aging happens naturally but growing up is intentional. It requires focus and continual self evaluation. In my 20’s I committed to growing in my faith, getting my education, and just having a blast while securing my future. HA! I wouldn’t change a thing except for my expectation of having every piece of my life set.

Year 31 is just around the corner and I’m on the up-and-up. No longer unemployed but still struggling financially…meh, baby steps. I’m losing weight and taking much better care of my body. Still educating myself and still laughing through my struggles. Folks, this is life – the waxing and waning of highs and lows.

PJ Morton’s deep cut, “Growing Up” sums it up perfectly:

Growin’ up is so hard
Gotta do it, gotta start
Growin’ up sometimes hurts
Gotta do it, gotta get to work

July 10, 2019July 11, 2019

A Year without Church

You’ll find no exposure, tell-all, messiness here. This is a chronicle of my experiences and lessons learned. Put down your tea cups.

In June 2018, I stopped going to church. Here’s the story…

The Backstory:

I was raised in a nominal Christian family. We spent multiple nights a week at church and even pulled double and triple shifts on Sundays. I participated on the youth choir, teen Bible studies, and everything in between – I was a church kid! At the age of 15, I experienced what I knew was the Holy Spirit that brought me to salvation. From there, a genuine curiosity for Scripture and the desire to honor God with my life was born. I went on to serve at a few different churches and Christian organizations throughout undergrad and seminary, and gained a lot of different experiences. I’m a firm believer that God absolutely does not waste times or seasons so, each experience was what I needed and what God would have it to be.

Why I Stopped Going:

Simply put, I got tired. I got weary of the trends that I had begun to see. Environments had become heavy on volunteering and building church brands and weak on explaining the truth of God’s word. I was working hard and serving in ministries but not getting the soul care, teaching, and equipping that I needed. I kept noticing an undercurrent where there was great commitment to pastors and general fandom, but shallow discipleship and biblical study. People had seemingly become only as good as their gifts and agreement, instead of their souls that needed shepherding. So, after aiming to serve and attempting to be the change that I wanted to see; I bowed out. I quietly pulled away to reset, heal, forgive, and understand a little more.

What I’ve Learned:

I first learned more of my own hypocrisy and idols. Every accusation against Christian trends in America unveiled my own shortcomings, sin, and lack of prayer. So, now, my criticisms aren’t based on a “they” dynamic but a “we” dynamic, instead.
I had to come to grips with the truth that despite popular teachings, God will always do the exalting. Elevation comes from the Lord; period (Psalm 75). Exalting does not mean clout and popularity; it can really mean fruitfulness and influence in obscure places.
Ministry and worship is rooted in love and obedience to God, not just church activities. You can be an amazing servant/volunteer/ministry leader but a terrible or distant Believer.
There is a HUGE world out here that’s desperate for Biblical understanding. They want to know that there’s safety in God and truth in his Word. Unfortunately, there’s often no room for their questions in traditional church settings.
Sundays aren’t enough.
The Church is still good and alive and well. Jesus promised to care for his body so we must not try to disconnect in a way that dismisses Christ’s heart for the very Body he died for.
Christian community is where mutual sharing and lack in any form is covered is church. That is the assembly of the saints: coffee shops, family dinners, community clean ups, visiting the sick… the Gospel can go anywhere.
Forgive! Forgive others and forgive yourself for whatever power and expectation you gave to humans that should’ve only been reserved for God.
Fall in love and stay in love with Jesus and his ways, not a favorite prayer warrior, teacher, preacher or artist…because as humans, we’ll fail and disappoint each other miserably.
Never make yourself the standard or litmus for holiness. Make your boast in the Lord and keep Christ as the standard for righteousness.

March 24, 2019January 30, 2021

Welcome!

Welcome to Uncomfortably Honest! I’m really, really happy you’re here. This is the place where my thoughts, opinions, and experiences dwell in their messy, unironed, and possibly novice state. In an era where opinions and views are flooding the internet, this is my little corner. This will be the place where humanity, cultural woes, Christianity, and random musings meet.

So, why a blog and why now? Well, my hope is that Uncomfortably Honest is an invitation for readers to try their hand at vulnerability and fearlessly sorting things out. Life is a BEAST and there’s a switch that hits in adulthood where things become less absolute and defined. Uncomfortably Honest is where it may even get a little weird. Some topics may even provoke some cringing and raised eyebrows. I will promise you this, you will definitely LAUGH OUT LOUD!

Honesty is defined as a sincere expression absent of deceit. Honesty doesn’t equate to absolutes. It just means that you are acquainted with what you feel and what you think. Are you open to being challenged and stretched? This corner of the interwebs is the safe space for connecting in sameness while gathering the data of difference. This is a place where we’ll share, laugh, and ponder together.

Again, welcome to Uncomfortably Honest, you’re safe here!